Doors

Last night I attended my daughters’ last high school choir concert. I was sad, but maybe not as sad as I thought I would be. That’s because I remember the other times I was sad, and I didn’t need to be.

I remember driving away from the university in my husband-to-be’s convertible. He had graduated and I had not…and I was sad to be leaving (excited about my upcoming marriage—but still sad to be leaving Brigham Young University.) I didn’t know then that we would return two years later for graduate school. I didn’t know that twenty years later I would begin a university marathon that would last for twelve years (and counting) because five of my six children would end up attending BYU.

Flash forward a few years and I’m at Mission Viejo Lake. My babies were five and two and we would spend most afternoons playing at the lake that was only a few blocks from our first home. I loved our little yellow house, all our friends and I loved spending our afternoons at Lake Mission Viejo. But my husband had an incredible job offer in New York City and we were moving to Connecticut, and I was so happy for him (and more than a little sad for me.) I thought we were moving to the East to stay. I didn’t know that only two years later we would move back (to stay.) We have lived a few miles from Lake Mission Viejo for more than 23 years.

So sometimes doors close and sometimes we end up opening them up again. But even if we end up at the door we thought we had once closed, it’s all new, because everyday we’re a little different because of the choices we make.

Doors 
from the the musical Closer Than Ever

Well what do you know? (Well what do you know? Well what do you know? Well what do you know?)
In front of me now (In front of me)
is an open door.
I'm moving ahead.
Not sure of the way.
And yet there's a light that I'm heading for.

It's closer than ever
Closer than ever.

Fresh out of bed your life is out racing you. 
There dead ahead another one's facing you.
Seems like at times they're practically chasing you.
Everywhere another door.

One day the doors are locked and you're sick of them.
Next day they're yours and you have your pick of them.
Finding the proper key that's the trick of them.
Every where another door.

Doors to a place that no one knows.
Doors that are open; doors that close.
Doors that you pass through every day
turn into doors that bar the way.

Doors that keep out the chill of night.
Doors that keep secrets locked up tight.
Just when you have things set, when it's all in place, when your life is good 
there's another door.

Doorways are good; they can be enlightening.
Doorways can change you, which isn't frightening.
So tell me why my stomach is tightening
Looking at another door.

Doors can be wide; yes, that can be verified.
Moving outside; the air can be rarified.
I want to go, but why am I terrified
Looking at another door?

What's on the other side? Guess what?
Something I want but haven't got.
Over the threshold. That's my shot.
Will I go in there? I will not.

Maybe a brand new job awaits
Or 20 or 30 different fates.
I'll be in charge at last
Get my life in shape 
And when all the ends, 
There's another door.

What's in the skies from Boston to Florida?
Hirises rising each being horrider.
What hits your eyes as you hit a corridor?
Nothing but a wall of doors.

What would you give to see what is hiding there?
All kinds of people just go inside of there.
What kinds of secret lives are residing there
Hiding all behind those doors?

What's going on inside those rooms?
Kinky behavior one presumes.
Here there's a spinster with her cats.
Next door kid who sleeps on mats.

Here lives a family bland as pie.
Next door a girl who was once a guy.
What would you give to buy some electric eye
That would let you spy on what's behind those
People you never met who are not like you, 
who are just like you
are what's behind those
Just when you have things set, when it's all in place
When your life is good, there's another door

Every day another door.